I used to not be familiar with that kinda love

The love that appreciates my laughter

the love that listens to my fears and apprehensions

The love that is my calm and peace in the midst of my storm

holding me tight, giving me serenity in its protection I trust

that love that accepts me for who I am

never asking me to be what I am not

but a love that possesses a continual interest in all that I am

my thoughts, my goals, my passion, my quirks

beyond this skin, these curves, this smile, and all this goodness

A love that slowly cracked away at a heart formerly so guarded

until it made the walls crumble

revealing my soul that love has set  free

from the bounds of insecurity and self doubt

to make me realize I am so much better than the past

that I deserve the best

to be familiar with that kind of love.

I used to look to you for love and support

But now you’ve done the unthinkable

Shattering my family my oasis

Turning my trust in you into dust

How could you destroy something so precious, so pure

What has possessed you to believe it was okay

Bewildered as to where this source come from

Because it’s not from us…

Please tell me why

Why you caused her to be forever changed and taken away

Why you left us in shame and utter disgust

How can I call you one of our own

I don’t think I can move on

I don’t think I can forget

How do I forgive the unforgiveable?

Well its been a very long time. But  I'm back.

School started back August 20th and I been tired of it 3 weeks ago lol.   But the good thing about this semester is no Friday classes. :)  Internship wise I only work about 10 hours a week with how my schedule is and how bad parking is on campus.    I try not to get to overwhelmed thinking about the job market because  ive talked to several people who just graduated and are still looking :-/.  You may prolly think since I graduate in May I have the whole school year to worry about it. nah.   Have to start looking now. I have few ideas and is up to thinking out of the box. I need to buy some more resume paper and get cracking.

Well anyone who knows me knows about my biological father being a very recent part in my life. Ive had a few phone calls with this pass year. Never talked to him before. Hes never seen me since I was probably 1 years old.  He lives in Cleveland, OH where I was born. 

Anyways, I got an letter in the mail from my aunt saying that my bio father is sick, refuses to take heart meds, and refuses to go to the hospital.  She wants me to call and try to convince him to go to the hospital.  I really don’t know if I can.  Like I said Ive only talked to him ever less than 5 times and its still awkward.  I don’t know if he would listen to me.  I know at one point he didn’t want any part in my life.  But at the same time I put part of the blame on my mother for cutting off that side of the family completely from my life.    But the point is I really don’t have any ill will towards him. So it saddens and frustrates me a little that he insists on being so stubborn.  So yes I actually cried a little.  Why must old people be that way about hospitals and doctors.  According to him from a phone convo a few months  ago, he's had like 2 heart attacks w/ in the past two years. And he turned 60 last month. So his condition is not to be played with.

And it would have been nice if I could pull a Antwone Fisher  and go to Cleveland OH [lol]whenever I am financially able to and visit him and some of that side of the family[hope I get some pancakes LOL let me stop]. I want to develop some form of relationship with him. But his ass wants to be stubborn about going to the hospital.  *walks off*

Guess I figured I updated since something great happened today.  This morning at my internship the boss attorney tells me that with the new fiscal year and source of teacher certification loan default payments, they now have a means to give me some form of income.  I can now work up to twenty hours a week at $15 per hour.  She told me at first the budget/finance folks were like they wouldn’t be able to do this but she was persistent and convinced them to do so otherwise.   With paperwork and all it would probably wouldn’t go into effect into next week or later this week.  I can now breathe a little easier now that I can I know I don’t have to be all dry out until I get fin aid this semester, and I also have now have a paid p/t internship during the school year.  I had already told them last week or week before that I was willing to still work there unpaid regardless for the upcoming school year.  God is definitely on time.  Just further proves that if you step out on faith and prove your self-worth by giving your 110% he’ll set up people to fight for your behalf.  I used to be afraid but you really don’t have the option to be. you have to get out there and get yours. it’s not gonna fall in your lap unless your privileged, have influence and with the right connections.   coming from where I come from I had none of the above but it’s all good it makes me fight even more and less likely to take blessings for granted.  I didn’t get a public interest service grant for this summer. I didn’t have family throwing me bones or assisting me w/ living expenses and bills.  and yet he still provided for me this summer. and I am all the more grateful.

I conclude w/ a favorite quote of mine.

“God doesn’t provide a VISION without providing PROVISON” –Joel Osteen

xoxo Tip

Wow I havent blogged since march. Its long overdue. :-/. 

Well since march the semester has wrapped up and now summer is in full swing.  I am clerking unpaid at the Office of General Counsel to South Carolina Dept of Education.  Consequently I picked up a part time job at Office Depot.  I got offered a job at tjmaxx as well but I had to turn it down. I am exhausted enough w/ whats on my plate now.  About 3 plus weeks ago I moved from staying in a one bedroom apt in w/ 3 roomies 2 that I have known previously for about  >2 years and  1 for  >1  year.  Its been great.  I had to move for financial reasons I could not survived living alone another year much less this summer.  Esp as how I got one part time job as income this summer.

As far as the clerkship goes. I love it so far.  I've only been there 3 weeks so far. And the lawyers are bragging to folks in the agency about me *blushes*. The head atty was like You are good  I wish I had money to pay you lol. Even tho it is not paid, I take it serious and go every day for half a day. I get up at 630 so I can get there by 745 (to get a parkin space in the gov't parking lot lol) and stay till like 12 or 1ish (dep if I have to work at office depotl afterwards).  I show initiative  and ask for work  lol.  But it seems like due to our **wonderful governor** sanford crazy butt filling suit it has been busy/more interesting this week.   The people are nice, laid back, and helpful.  Its very chill.  They made sure I got a parkin decal so I wouldn’t have to park in meters. I know got a badge so I don’t have to sign in as a visitor anymore lol.  I hope  the experience and connections made will pay off in the end. It makes me realize that well reinforced that while I havent experience the private firm life that I def don’t want that. I want non traditional or working in an agency. And some normalcy to my hours and social/family life. 

I hope the economy gets better soon.  Besides them not able to pay me. The folks there have to take furlough days as well. :-/.

But working there and being able to put into practice what I learn and research for atty and learn about area of education law from the agency perspective has been rewarding and at the same time increased my confidence.    And has made me realized that folks can be average joes when it comes to grades and your gpa in law school but when it comes to actually being  put in the  action one can still be just fabulous and stand out.   B4hand I was like man getting grades like that bruises ur ego when u come from being the best of the best all ur life and then go to survival of the fittest when err one is the best. And then it seems like I couldn’t ever catch a break to get my foot in the damn door no matter how hard I tried sending out letters,  resumes, and emails. 

But I found out someone in BLSA (black law student assoc) sister recently got a job at SCDE and so I contacted her.  And I meet w/ the attys there in March and got offered the opportunity.  Some of them are still doubtful on just how hard it is to get a paid clerkship out here. It really is hard tho :-/

However, I hope this pays off in the end and doing this 2 jobs man is exhausting but I hope it speaks volumes to future employers.  I am thinking of splitting my summer in a firm tho (unpaid too of course if nothing does not come along) to get experience in that area. And improve on my writing/research skills /civil procedure ...

I have an interview w/ a national district atty association Tuesday morning. (this would be a pd part time position for the summer).  I also have put in bids for http://www.semjf.org/ which takes place in late july early aug in atl.  I hope I get selected for interview slots.  Bc I would  WELCOME the opportunity to get out of this state post graduation (which is something I've been thinking about more and more) lol.

Wow ima need for my former landlord to get back from study abroad trip w/ this class so he can give me my 550 deposit. I need that money this summer stop playiing. Lol. A new phone awaits me this summer  and I want it sooner rather than later. My phone needs to go be w/ jesus. Seriously.  I have a feeling im gonna get a black berry since it’s the *professional* thing to have :-/. But we shall see. 

A sister friend from tampa is coming to work at a camp this summer in sc. It is 1.5 hours from me.  I finally get to see her in person for the first time. We've know each other back when xanga was hot (like soph or junior year in undergrad) …wootness.

So I think that is about it….i don’t blog a lot but when I dot its long winded lol …get over it :-)  xoxo

Well my aunt from previous post is out the hospital and back at home.   But she refuses to do rehab. You know how stubborn some old folks can be.  

Still havent got a job yet. Had an interview over spring break tho.  He was so extra w/ some of his questions so im not getting my hopes up.  Meanwhile I'm still sending out resumes to firms in the area.

Well my bio father calls me for the first time this week on Monday and then Tuesday. I was at school both times. But finally called back Tuesday night.  Amazingly I have no remorse and I think ive forgiven him b/c while he was never in my life b4 but my  mom also cut of ties w/ that side of the family . But life is too short to hold grudges...  It is just awkward to talk to him like it was business as usual when I never talked to him b4 and the last time he seen me I was like one years old.   Apparently he had 2 heart attacks recently :-/ but he said hes trying do better health/exercise wise. He thought I was 19 instead of 24 :-/ but yet he remember my bday was april 8th.  he was surprised I knew his age.   He asked if he was invited to my graduation and I told him yes. He said he did 5 years in the army when he was younger and u know what I'm thinking….LOL.   He asked what I wanted for my birthday…money?  I said I guess. He says what would u like besides money…I was like let me think. He said to let him know b4 the first.  Hes only 5' 7'' which explains my 5'5 bc my mom is only 5'7'/8' too. I told him to send me a picture bc I dont have any of him :-/.    I sent the aunt and him some pictures last year tho.

I need to back up a little and tell how I got to that point.   About 2-3 years ago I wrote a blog while at undergrad maybe junior year talkin about me wanting to reconnect to that side of the family and included my bio father last name but its distinctive (its Italian but I'm not italian b/c apparently grandma had more than one baby daddy lol)  anyway a cousin  that went to usc was googlin his name and my blog came up in the hits. He corresponds w/ me and tell me  he is adopted by  my *aunt?* who was married (but now separated) w/ my bio father's brother. They had 2 blood children/my cousins one my age w/ recent baby probably like 1 plus year old now and a 21 year old girl in college. I met my blood cousins and the aunt dec 2007. while there the aunt calls a cousin in cleveland (who is son of an aunt up there) he is like 40 yo.  I get the aunts number from the cousin last year. I talked to her for the first time back in august. She told me I had a sister I had no knowledge of existence. Found her on myspace in october. I gave my aunt my contact to give to bio father last year in aug. and in xmas I sent xmas cards to them w/ my contact info in it for my bio father. And so he calls out of the blue 3 months later…

So yeah…that’s the story..sounds like a talk show story….lol but I wished I could see them this summer  and make a trip to cleveland but w/ the economy and I still don’t have a job yet I don’t see it happening. But my uncle on my moms side is getting married in the summer so who knows…

Praying that things do not come in threes for 2009.

My cousin died of leukemia in 2007 at about 29 or 30 yo.  My cousin died due to a car accident at the age of 15 in 2008...

Okay my mom's oldest sibling at like 65 or 66, my aunt is currently cath ICU at the hospital.   She has kidney failure and retaining a hella lot of fluids and they have been trying to drain it out.  As a result she is having difficulty breathing due to fluid build up.  She is also bleeding internally from an unknown source but they do not know where as of yet. The main priority as now is getting the fluids out. The doc told my fam yesterday they will wait it out 24 hrs to see if the cath is able to drain it out like it needs to.  If not he said she may have to resort to dialysis.  I'ma call my mother and see if they have heard anything. I don’t think I wanna go back up there and visit her in icu again.  Hospital rooms are one thing but icu is a whole notha level w/ all the tubes and machines and smell…so yeah. I really didn’t take that well yesterday but I'm okay now.  Moreover, it just remains me A LOT of grandma being in the hospital and icu b4 she died and of my mother during her times of being in the hospital in the past.  I'm grateful for all my friends etc keepin me and my family in your thoughts and prayers.  Prior to all of this my aunt had a heart bypass thingy back in december and a stroke a few years back. She also has diabetes.    My family all together has a medical history chocked full of typical african american stuff and if anything doesn’t motivate you to live ur life better  via exercise/eating better it certainly does for me. I don’t want high blood pressure. I don’t want to have to take heart meds every day like my mom does. I don’t want to be overweight. I don’t want to end up w/ diabetes. I don’t wanna live the last days of my life miserable and bed ridden.

Well on to non-depressing matters…..

I'm still making moves so I can have an actual legal job and build up my resume this summer. I've been sending out hella emails to attorneys these past 2 weeks or so. i've stopped doing hard mailing these days doesn’t seem as effective.  Had an interview last week. Will hopefully hear from him w/ next week.  

I reached out to a few education law attorneys in the area b/c that’s a field that I'm interested in.  I need to follow up one attorney who emailed me back. She said she forwarded my resume to the hiring partners.  Meanwhile I want to set up a time to just talk to her and establish a relationship. Networking is so key these days esp when I came into the game w/o anything no one in the family no connections …no h and r block *I got people* situations feel me…I'm having a renewed sense of determination/aggressiveness.  This time last year I let pride  and my shot to hell ego cause me  to miss out on opportunities.  Not again. No sir. Things will be different this go around.

I emailed a lawyer from area of sc where I'm orig from today. He called me within minutes of  the email saying the firm is not hiring since they are about to hire another attorney but he asked my permission to forward my resume to a list serv of a plaintiffs lawyer organization for the florence area. If I were able to get a job in florence staying home is not an option (its 30 min from home) so if all else fails I'd find someones couch to crash.   Do what it takes. I've having more faith  that it will work out in the end.

Wow…its almost February and so 1/12 of 2009 is almost out the way.

Hmmmm…this semester what can I say. Its tiring. 1 of my classes me 4 times a week at 8 am. What makes it worse is 3 of my days are stretched till 4:10 one to 3:00 with Friday being only one class (the 8 am class) needless to say I'm exhausted during the week. I should start drinking coffee . But blah. 

Along w/ my four classes I have an independent supervised legal research (which is basically doing my 30 page paper requirement for graduation under a supervisor). I knew I wanted to do my paper along the lines of rural education and funding policy/issues/problems.  I talked to one of my professors this week and she talked to a lawyer who works for www.ruraledu.org and she passed on some ideas back to me.   One of which was consolidation of poor rural schools  as a solution.  Going this route I will compare other states who are taking or trying to take this approach analyzing the cons/pros etc in states like Arkansas, maine, new Hampshire, and vermont and probably a few others. I'm glad I finally got a concrete topic that has some good resources available. I'll probably spend later this week/weekend looking through some articles/publications and finalize an outline to email my adviser. 

Outside of that…I'm trying to find a J O B (clerking for firm) still part time now or just for the summer full time.  On that note I got another rejection letter today yayyyyyyy.  Lol I should make a wall of fame w/ those letters.  Before I go into this I would like to say that back in december I talked to the lawyer at a nonprofit organize could SC Appleseed Legal Justice center (http://www.scjustice.org/)  basically I could work there but its non-paid. I would have to apply for a PILS grant (public interest law society--basically give grants for non-profit/public interest jobs etc) and get work-study.   In my heart of hearts I know I would be happy w/ doing this summer [because they work on issues they are near and dear to me like being advocates for the low income communities of South Carolina in the areas of Health Care, Education, Housing, Immigration Issues, Elder Law, Consumer Protection, and Community Economic Development via effecting systemic change by acting in and through the courts, legislature, administrative agencies, community and the media] and coming from a low income family [w/ parents on social security disability only having about 19 or 20 thousand  to  pay bills and provide for themselves and my sister and at the time me] I am passionate and interesting in effecting change in some the areas they focus on

….but  at the same the hype of law school competition and need to have *practicing actual in law firm* experience is annoying.  So just in case I do want use my law degree to actually practice law I'll have some experience before I graduate. [and as u can tell I still don’t know what I wanna do…sue me...i know what i'm passionate about but still it conflicts w/ my loans that i will have to start paying for post graduation lol] Blah.  I'm conflicted I really don’t want to continue searching for a actual firm job for this summer but if I were to actually get something I would like to split my summer doing the nonprofit org one half and at a firm the other half. At the meantime I would love have a part time gig at a  firm.  But at this point its most likely too late.  (I should of started in dec/nov for semester job)

So this lawyer I met w/ Tuesday right. I emailed him my stuff Sunday he emails me Sunday.  I go there and he's basically like he is not looking for someone for regular p/t or f/t however he will *keep me in mind* if a project comes that he needs help w/ legal research or drafting (like a motion etc) -->with that I'll do it on my own and keep up w/ my hours. (I did something like this this summer for a lawyer …20 hrs=200 bucks not a bad hustle) nevertheless I was still disappointed but I should of expected that much when he's just  solo practitioner and the barely pay the bills and pay their 1 little paralegal and secretary. Blah.  But I suppose it would be nice that he does call me sometime this semester for a project b/c I need the extra money whenever I can get it.  That meeting also annoyed me b/c it skipped my 3:10 class to go b/c it was 4. If I knew it was gonna take a matter of minutes just to tell me that I wished he'd just called me/emailed me that or I should of asked to just go after class. We only get but so many absences. Ugh.

I get home afterwards and have an out of control emotional breakdown session.  [Just feeling of overwhelming/disappointment/and like I have about 3 months till the summer/ feeling of incompetence b/c I have no experience I feel like I'm already 10 steps behind] Talked to my friend to calm me down.  Then came back to senses and told myself I just have to make myself more aggressive.  I rather just send a resume out but that’s not gonna cut it. so as of today I started calling b4 I send a resume out. I only called one firm today the secretary was nice (and not short no and *click* like one place I called the other week lol).  I can only blame myself for last summer for not getting a job b/c I know I wasn’t aggressive enough. I admit that. But I be damned if I'm working at pizza hut/jimmy johns next summer it will not cut it for resume purposes. I only did it last summer for SURVIVAL purposes. [And best believe  it was indeed survival…but that’s another blog…and if knew me this summer u know all about it.] 

I know people say and tell me it will all work out in the long run blah blah…in seriousness I appreciate it b/c  people believe in me and my potential  more than what I believe in my own self sometimes.  I don’t know what I would do w/ my family and true friends. They're my backbone/support/motivation.

So I guess I'll wrap it up since I've been up since 6 and getting sleepy.  I'll end with a few of my favorite quotes…

'Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God; your playing small doesn't serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.'

And

"The most essential factor is persistence - the determination never to allow your energy or enthusiasm to be dampened by the discouragement that must inevitably come." - James Whitcomb Riley

Wow its already been officially a week of winter break and I'm loving it.  I havent done much so far.  Last week I had an interview w/ a firm in west columbia. I think it went well but I have a feeling they may emphasize my grades more but I hope that's not the case.  If not I'll go back to the drawing board and I'll always have my non-profit organization I can work for on the backburner granted I apply and get the public interest law society summer grant.  I need to develop my list of firms to contact and hit it hard the beg of the year b/c I must gain experience this coming summer.

Friday I went to a christmas party one of my law school friends hosted. It was enjoyable.  Saturday I came back home. Even tho I was little sad at first its not so bad so far….i reckon after christmas hype that will change and I'll be more ready to get back to columbia lol. monday i went to a funeral of my late grandma's sister. so my great aunt we wasn't close tho...but i swear my family is too big its a shame i sit in family section wit all these cousins that i dont even know smh....

So I call my aunt on my real fathers side to see if she got her card yet. I also sent a card to give to my real father. she's still trying to get that to him.  Accd to her *he still needs to get it together*….he still needs to get it 2gether at 59? Smh…sighs..but I digress. I'm trying to reconnect…its hard I have so much catch up on….considering mom pretty much cut off ties her self w/ them since I was very young. Its further crazy I'm just getting to know my new found 17 yo sister...I wish I could go up to cleveland to visit them but financially I really don’t see it happen but who knows what 2009 will bring.

Speaking 2008 wow..chocked so full of struggles…and most of it revolve around my hoopty.    I've gotten the water pump replaced, fan clutch, thermostat, throttle body fixed, new starter,  new belts for fan clutch, new tires…and so forth. Currently I need new brake pads and my power window motor replaced for one of my windows. I honestly don’t see the window getting done anytime soon. But I can tolerate the brakes getting done next year after fin aid comes through.    Concurrently with dealing this spring/summer/beg of fall semester during the summer since I wasn’t able to get a nice job at the law firm clerking and what not I had to get two crappy part time jobs one of which was only giving me very few (5 to 9) hours a week the other twenty something. So needless to say I was barely very barley making it bills wise some months during the summer running late.  I drastically cut back on like buying a lot of  groceries. And while it got somewhat batter during fall semester my kitchen was looking somewhat pitiful during the semester too lol.

One thing I regret is rushing into getting an apartment by myself this may.  Given my circumstances this year in hindsight I was not ready to deal w/ bills by myself. It would be  different story if had a better job/or clerkship this summer and had a part time clerkship during the fall semester but I didn’t and even if I would have my budget is so much more tighter than it was my first year when I shared a house w/ 2 roomies and split err thing 3 ways.   My roomies graduated in may and sold the house in the summer so I hastily and in aries fashion jumped the broom on this place I live in now.  So I hope toward the beg of the summer/after my lease runs out the beg of may to find another place w/ decent roomies or just get the decent job and not worry about it either way I want to move when my lease is up.  But I really want to get roomies. However I will miss the life of leaving alone A LOT. But at this price I think I will be better off dealing w/ the bs of having roomies.  I hope I have good luck and finding another place/roomies next year.

All and all I look back and I'm so grateful for god getting me thru it all if it wasn’t meant to be I wouldn’t of made it this far.  Being halfway thru makes all the struggles *somewhat* more worth it lol. Furthermore..I've known peers who I started w/ that’s no longer there... I've cried , stressed, etc a lot (and this grey hair popping up is proof of it) this past year but I am hopeful that things will get better. And I'm appreciative for what I do have a family and true friends that has my back and love and support when my back been against the wall…they are my motivation…they help to keep my grounded…even though my family is  on  the lower socio economic rungs they are in higher rungs when it comes to their love and support...

So I’m its been over a day now and I’m still waiting on my car. This shit is costing me days form work that was supposed to be my last decent week before school starts. I hate being stranded and depending on people. I need to go shoppin for necessities like clothing detergent and soap lol.

But let me rewind. Wednesday I was going to go to work and on my way my cars temp’s needle was going crazy.  I prayed to let me make it to at least near work to park under the library shelter (library across the street from work and it was raining a little) so I can wait for it to cool down and pour more coolant it. I wait 30 min. get out and alllllllll my coolant is on the ground and dripping from all out the damn car. I freaked the hell out. I waited outside in my car for like 3 hours texting people. Couldn’t get no one to get me L finally thought of my home girl from law school. She texted after she finished washin her hair and came out to get me w/ her conditioning cap on right away..thats a good friend right there J. I was so aggravated tho this one reason I don’t like depending on me they are no where to be find sometimes u need someone. And then finally wanna text back when its like 2 or 3 hours after I been got picked up *rolls eyes*. I left my car at the library parking lot came home and called the library to make sure my car would be straight there and not get towed. 

Thursday morning I call a car show place that can tow and does foreign cars. I walk downtown (45 min walk) to give them my car key so they can tow it. I waited there at the place til they finally got a chance to see what the problem was. Around 3:30 damn are u serious. They need to get more mechanics if its that busy.  The reason it dumped all out was the coolant reservoir seal had broke. But there is a part that needs to be replace that was causing a leak all summer and the gasket. For 179 and I also got pay for them to tow it in the first place.  Sighs.

I’m so not lookin forward to buying my casebooks for law school that’s gonna defn set me back a coupla hundred I’m not even joking.  Sometimes u are lucky to buy a USED casebook for around 100-125. Sighs times that by the 5 classes I have I think and sometimes profs have their special supplements/add’l books. Ugh.

They already posted first week/day reading assignments online. And I haven’t even gotten my books yet wth. If anyone sees legally blonde when elle didn’t know she had homework BEFORE the first day its true u defn do have hw the first day reading a whole bunch of shit. Sometimes like 20 to 60 pages for a class times that by 5 or whatever many classes u have a given day. Depressing.

I still need to find a cosigner for my private sallie mae loan (to help on cost of living) as predicted I got denied using my dad after attemptin to use my mom as a cosigner. I hope whenever I have kids (a long time from  now lol) they don’t have to go thru shit I go thru. I hope it works out.

Oh yeah the Dillon county treasurer cannot read obviously b/c earlier this week I sent my form/check for my car property taxes and on it specifically said even tho my perm addy is in Dillon my MAILIN ADDY is in Columbia and what the hell mom calls me to tell me they sent my license plate/tags home in Dillon. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.  Even tho I could mail maybe it’s a good  idea to try to go home before I get lost in the law school madness.